


the love among us

by triviastay



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Among Us (Video Game) Setting, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Gaming, Gay Panic, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han Is Bad at Feelings, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minecraft, Minor Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Mutual Pining, Online Romance, Shy Hwang Hyunjin, all of skz game together hehe, faceless jisung, hyunjin is THE streamer, jisung and hyunjin are gamers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triviastay/pseuds/triviastay
Summary: hyunjin is a famous gamer/youtuber known for his looks and videos, and one day his entire platform blows up when j.one, a faceless gamer who makes music, posts a song dedicated to hyunjinaka... gaming/university au no one asked for
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 112





	1. speed-run

**Author's Note:**

> be nice please!! i think i did well for the first part. please let me know what you think! 
> 
> twitter: hyunizone

Jisung was going to die. 

He was sure of it. He was alone, venturing through the hallway with none of the others in sight. If no one killed him now, he is sure he will be framed for a killing he did not commit. Jisung was determined not to embarrass himself again, Jeongin got him good last round. 

“Hurry, Jisung,” he muttered to himself. “Come on, I just need to do these wires.”

Jisung took a breath, stumbling through the storage room, and decided he would need to speed-run his last task. One more task. One more task...in the dark? 

“I’m for sure gonna die. I swear to god if I die here, they are never going to find my body,” he stressed as the lights began to flicker and eventually die out. He sped through the electrical room, running toward the panel in the back. “Fuck fixing the lights, I just need this task...Shit...I am gonna die, I am gonna die, I am gonna die-”

“J.One?” 

Jisung took a deep breath as he closed off the panel to stare at the darkened room. There was no one else in sight, so how?

“Hyunjin?” Jisung whispered, his eyes squinting in suspicion. “H-How did you.. How did you see me… in the...dark?” His mouth opened comically, thinking he just discovered an imposter. 

Hyunjin seemed taken back, taking a few seconds to think before replying. “Oh..I heard you...You were talking to yourself… again...” 

“Oh, that makes...sense. I thought-Ha! I thought you saw me with-” Jisung let out a giggle, shaking his head. Of course, it's not like Hyunjin, his infamous partner in crime, would kill him in the dark where no one would ever find him. It wasn't like Hyunjin would abuse the beautiful friendship they had built, just to assassinate him in cold blood. “Cause maybe you-Ya, you scared the shit out of me!” 

Jisung relaxed and returned to the electrical panel, leisurely connecting the blue wires together before he spoke up again. 

“Well, what are you doing here? Got a task in here, or you here to fix th-” 

“Don’t worry, J.One. Just got a small task in here, no big deal,” Hyunjin said eerily, his avatar coming to stack on top of Jisung’s. “What about you? Thought you were coming to fix the lights.” 

“Hyunjin, if I didn't know any better, I would think you are here to kill me,” Jisung replied with a huff, already familiar with the way Hyunjin loved to pretend he was the imposter even when he was not. “I only have my wires left and I’m not even running from you. It just proves that I am innocent and you look pretty innocent to me, so I totally trust y-”

A red light flashed across the screen and with Jisung’s cut-off scream in the background, the display of Jisung’s pink avatar being completely and devastatingly mutilated by Hyunjin’s blue one illuminated his dark room. 

“What…” he trailed off, utter shock seeping through his body as Hyunjin’s blue character slithered down the vent to escape the scene. Jisung slumped back in his chair staring at his ghost floating above his dead lifeless body. 

“I fucking knew it!” He banged on the desk, turning to look at his chat, who were having way too much fun teasing him. “I always get fucking killed in electrical…”

A familiar laugh pierced through his ears and Jisung rolled his eyes. The one downside about playing with the proximity chat feature is having to hear the nuisances he calls friends tease him every single time. 

“He killed you again! Again?” Chan hollered, his own green ghost circling around Jisung’s corpse. “I swear this is becoming a whole thing now.”

“I just trust him too easily, okay?” Jisung whined, turning away to ignore the hundreds of “whipped” comments in his chat. “Hyung, I can’t believe I made a fool of myself on his stream. He’s got the whole world watching him right now, oh my gosh.” 

Chan snickered, “I was watching the entire thing, oh my god, I wish I could’ve seen your face, it must have been priceless.”

Jisung was so grateful he never showed his face on stream, depending mainly on his voice, commentary, and amazing dad jokes to keep his streams a little interesting. It would have been so embarrassing and he was not going to give his friends new stuff to tease him about. 

“Record my face? Yeah, yeah, hyung, get in line.” It never rendered a problem before, but as his fan base grew, so did the people wanting to catch a glimpse of the face of J.One, the worst “among us” player on the platform. 

“I was so close to betting with my chat on how long you’d last. Turns out you didn’t last longer than 20 seconds.” His laughter pierced through his headphones once again and another giggle erupted from Jisung’s lips. “At least you might get in his video, ha!” 

“I was trying to speed run my tasks...I needed just one more, too,” Jisung added, nearly whining. “Anyways, spill, who killed you?”

Chan’s ghost moved towards the admin room, Jisung’s ghost not far behind. Chan spun around until he found the white avatar at the admin table. He huffed, “This little guy right here did it.” 

“Felix? Yeah, I'm not surprised,” Jisung said unamused. “You can’t laugh at me for trusting Hyunjin when you will literally vent in front of Felix if he told you to.” 

Chan scoffed, though seemingly in agreement. “You’re right, but still-“ 

The screen shined, the words “Dead Body Reported” in big letters. In excitement, he told Chan to “shut up please, they are gonna kill someone now,” all in the same breath. Jisung took a drink from his coke, making comments here and there to his chat as the remaining players discussed. 

As the game continued, Jisung would peep on other players in his ghost form, and tried to lighten up the game with some songs, with other ghosts and his chat as an audience. They didn’t appreciate his excellent singing very much, but Jisung paid them no mind. 

As the page of defeat showed on Jisung’s screen and Minho’s tea kettle scream pierced through the chat, Jisung let out another laugh. 

“Hyunjin, I trusted you!” Changbin began to reprimand him, clearly feeling betrayed. “I even covered for you.” 

Hyunjin cheered for himself. “I think we all know who the true kings are in this game. Right, Felix?” 

“Of course,” Felix clapped as the screen moved to the server lobby. “The only superior duo.”

“Okay, guys I think I am gonna end it for today. Got some homework to do,” Jisung interjected before another argument began. “Thanks for today. I totally loved getting tricked and stabbed in the same ten second interval, so much fun, whoooo! Let’s do it again sometime.” 

“Aw, Jisung,” Hyunjin whined as Jisung clicked to leave the game lobby. “Don’t worry, baby, I won’t kill you next time. Maybe…”

Jisung coughed awkwardly. He didn’t need that right now, not in front of all their friends and their thousands of viewers. 

“Oh, no. Don’t ‘baby’ me! I’m not trusting you ever again,” he replied instead, feeling a warmth reach his cheeks. 

“Bye, J.One. Don’t be late today, okay?” Chan reminded him. 

“Of course, Channie hyung,” he rushed before addressing the rest of the boys. “Bye! Thanks, Felix, for not killing me.” 

A chorus of goodbyes rang through the chat. “Bye!” “See you in a bit, loser.” “Adios!” 

A ring resonated on his stream, signifying that Jisung left the server. He turned to his chat once again, the light shining brightly on his face. 

“Okay, guys. Time to go,” he eased before he stopped, looking at the amount of viewers. “Wait- what? Ugh, this is the most viewers I've ever gotten. Um…” His throat choked up as he grew uneasy knowing there were too many people watching him right now. 

The chat whisked with hundreds of comments, all seemingly to project the same message. 

“just came from hyunjin’s live, can’t believe you’re leaving now :((“

“hyunjin told us to check ur vid out uwu”

“special friend~~”

The mere mention of Hyunjin had Jisung frozen in his seat, knees drawn to his chest as he tried to make sense of them all. 

“Wait, Hyunjin talked about me?” his voice echoed, a little taken aback. Before he could begin to blush, he shook his head, a sorry attempt to snap himself out of his trance. “Okay, yeah, that’s all for today! Bye, guys! Thanks for everything, see you next time…”

As he clicked for the stream to end, a familiar stickiness clung on his skin. It was never like this. Before, Jisung would make videos and play video games with his friends. Friends… Is that what him and Hyunjin really were? 

Before, Jisung thought he knew himself. He thought that he had already gone through his identity crisis in high school. That was until Hyunjin came around. Then, everything changed. Jisung began to truly feel, truly see, and truly touch. It scared Jisung when he first realized that the feeling he got every night, when they would have hour long conversations, wasn’t completely platonic. 

Remembering the phone call from the previous night, Jisung’s cheeks heated up once more. After turning off his pc, Jisung swiveled in his chair to push toward his bed. The comforter lay on the ground, looking messy yet comfortable. 

“Maybe a small nap will be good,” Jisung sighed as he laid on the mattress, throwing the comforter on top of his head to bury under it. He needed the dark for a moment. 

The soft whirring of his ceiling fan remained the only sound in the room. It kept Jisung grounded, to his room, to reality. Clenching his hands around his knees, he let out a shaky breath. 

Too much had been going on. Too many things he couldn’t understand, may never understand, and it was freaking him out. 

Hyunjin had mentioned his name unprompted, whatever that really meant, and his chat was teasing...about what exactly? Jisung wondered what Hyunjin had said that rendered such an explosive reaction. The fact that he even spoke about him had Jisung’s stomach swarming with butterflies. 

It took nearly an hour of sleepily arguing with himself to fish his phone from his pocket, turning it on. He winced from the bright light under the blanket. Perhaps he could watch Hyunjin’s stream, just to see how he was doing. 

Opening Hyunjin’s video, Jisung nearly choked. 

On full screen was Hyunjin, in all his beauty. He had a blue sweater on, the hood coming to cover his blonde, long hair. His red lips were pulled in a relaxed smile, the shine in his eyes on display. He was in his usual setup, his infamous white closet door behind him. 

“Yeah, today was fun,” Hyunjin said as he chewed some chips. “I know it was short, but it’s like 11 in the morning right now and I have a school event later today.”

He laughed, and Jisung’s entire body slumped. 

“Please,” Jisung pleaded to no one in particular. “Why must I suffer so much?” Why was his heart beating so fast? Why must he feel this way? Jisung knew. But he did not dare mutter why. He just couldn’t. 

Hyunjin continued, reading one of the comments. “‘Have you seen J.One in person yet?’” His eyes seemed to dim before he forced a chuckle. “No, not yet. We do live near each other though. I think all the other boys have met him since they knew each other first.” 

As he listened, Jisung frowned. He hadn’t realized. Hyunjin was a new addition to the group they met through Minho. The others had spent all last year together before they decided to stream and play more regularly. 

Hyunjin spoke a bit more before he smiled and signaled a peace sign as he moved closer to the camera. “That’ll be all for today. Bye!”

His screen turned black, signifying the stream had ended. Jisung was again submerged in the dark comfort underneath his blanket. 

Jisung knew it was tedious and bothersome. Muttering and thinking away at something that could never be. These past weeks had become harder to bear, harder to ignore. 

When Hyunjin first joined their group on an invite from Minho, claiming he knew him from his dance studio, Jisung never expected him to stay. He never expected him to fit in so well, joining in on inside jokes or being unanimously claimed as one of “Chan’s boys”. He never expected they would be branded as a group together. He never expected Hyunjin to text him that night all those months ago. 

Jisung definitely didn’t expect Hyunjin to take his breath away. 

It must have been thirty minutes before Jisung turned on his phone again, exiting Hyunjin’s page before opening his twitter timeline. Snooping around for a while wouldn’t be too bad. He needed a distraction. 

However, as he moved to his homepage, a few tweets caught his eye. They seemed to be from fan pages or people from their university that he followed. Ever since the previous year, before Jisung had spoken a word to him, Hyunjin was better known as one of the dance team’s aces and the guy most wanted by anyone on the entire campus. 

Of course the entire school, the whole online community even, would be posting about him. 

Curious, Jisung scrolled through them. 

@jonezone: “BEHJFHF hyunjin literally called him a ‘special friend’ just admit you’re dating already” 

@01spearbangg: “here’s the clip of @hyunihwang talking about his ‘special friend’. who could have this beautiful man’s heart? i’m crying-I ASJDJKS” 

@babyminhoo: “@hyunihwang talked about his ‘special friend’ being so important to him!2!2! kind of sad the stream ended early but the whole group is meeting later today!HEBBCBD” 

@yuuhwan: “hyunjin said ‘special friend’ I bet it must be one of his classmates @jonezone reveal yourself already..OMGNFNDN” 

Now, Hyunjin was not only a talented and handsome gamer, but he also had someone “special” to him, someone to rival the hundreds of people who hoped for even a chance to speak to him. 

So, Jisung wasn’t too surprised to see some of his own classmates and friends freaking out. 

What he was surprised about was one of the tweets that mentioned him. Jisung shivered as his finger hovered over the video. Whether it would even involve him or not didn’t matter. What mattered was whether Jisung would be able to handle more yearning and hoping. He knew he couldn’t let himself fall down this path. This path of pathetic want. But his interest was eating away at him, overwhelming him. 

Before he could scare himself out of it, his finger clicked on the video and Hyunjin’s voice poured into the room. 

“That game was fun. What did you guys think? I can’t believe I managed not to get sus-ed out this time,” Hyunjin was speaking to his camera calmly. It must have been after the group ended the entire game. 

There was a short silence as Hyunjin looked through his chat, the background filling in with soft music. “Before I leave, I just want to say I’m grateful to you guys. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown so far and it scares me to be honest.” 

Jisung bit his lip in anticipation. 

“Playing with the others has been so much fun. I’m so grateful to them. They helped me be so much more comfortable with myself. They became such good friends and I’m so happy right now to have them.” A pause. “Including a really special friend of mine, someone who has been such an inspiration. He's gotta be one of my favorite people right now.” 

Almost as if he was shy, Hyunjin played with the strings of his hoodie, looking away from the camera bashfully. 

He added on. “I hope you guys will continue to support us. Show him some love, yeah? He’s been good to me.” 

With a nervous laugh, Hyunjin rushed to look for something on his computer. “Let's play some Minecraft for a few minutes, yeah?”

Then, the video ended and so did Jisung’s blood circulation. 

“How many times have we gone over this?” Jisung scolded himself as he hopelessly stared at the tweets. “We don’t fall for straight and popular guys who are strictly our friends. Friendzone. It’s a thing and we are in it. So, don’t imagine. Don’t think. It’s never gonna..”

There was a knock on the door and Jisung rushed to turn off his phone in surprise. He raised his hands to remove the comforter from his body, swinging his legs to get off the bed. 

“What?” Jisung breathed out, vaguely wondering if one of his roommates had left the game right after he did. 

A voice spoke up. “It’s Seungmin. Open up before I bust this door down and drag you the hell out there.” 

A groan emanated from Jisung’s throat as he threw himself back onto the bed. “No, go away,” he whined. “I have two hours before we need to leave. Don’t take me away from my precious slumber, please.”

“We all need to get ready and arrive together,” Seungmin stressed from the other side of the door. “Felix is waiting, so you better get the hell out now.” 

“I’ll be out in a bit.” 

“Give me one more excuse and I’m going to count to ten. You know it won’t be pretty.”

“Just give me a few minutes,” Jisung whined, refusing to place his feet on the cold tile floor. He was determined not to give in just yet. “Just persuade Felix or something. I won’t even take-“ 

“Ten…” the door knob wiggled. “It sure will be fun dragging out with your feet. I’m sure Felix won’t forget to send a video to the group chat.” 

Jisung’s eyes widened, bringing his knees to his chest. He wasn’t up for getting made fun of all day again. It wasn’t the ideal way to spend the night. “Dr-drag me out. I don’t care.” 

“Nine…” Seungmin let out an amused laugh. “Felix made some treats for the event. He was gonna share them with us but I could take your share. Felix won’t mind either.” 

Slithering out the covers, Jisung placed his feet down, rushing to stand by the door. 

“I’ve been playing Minecraft all night and we woke up early today to play,” Jisung tried to reason. “Let me sleep f-for like 15 minutes and I swear I’ll be out in no time.” He held onto the door knob, resulting in an intense (and probably one-sided) fight with the disturbance on the other side. 

“Felix is already getting frustrated,” Seungmin huffed, appearing uninterested. His attempt to open the door against Jisung, however, said otherwise. “Don’t make me go get him…”

With a roll of his eyes, and maybe a little fear, Jisung sighed. “Fine.” 

He loosened his hold on the knob, proceeding to open the door instead. 

“And seven...” Seungmin’s smug smile awaited him on the other side. “Wow, new record.” 

Jisung rested quite graciously against his door, using his hands to cover his face in astonishment. “Why did I have to room with you two freshman year? How did I survive? Seriously…” 

“You love us, that’s why.” 

Jisung scoffed, using his fingers to run them through his messy hair. “Incorrect. I actually only love Felix.”

Seungmin hummed, pushing off the door frame to turn down the hallway. “Whatever, get in there before Felix really does drag you.” 

In the next minute, Jisung was eventually tossed on Felix’s bed. Seungmin rushed to lounge on the floor, looking through twitter as Felix narrated his day with his hands already working on Jisung’s hair. 

“You know, Jisung, I thought you were my soulmate, my best friend...I can’t believe you lied to me,” Felix pulled a piece of his hair harshly to show his displease. Jisung yelped and Felix laughed, rushing to pat his head. “You didn’t tell me you were going to perform with Seungmin. Look at your hair and your clothes. There is no way I am going to let you leave the house like this.” 

“I was gonna do my hair, Lix,” Jisung defended as he hugged one of the many stuffed animals littered around the room. “I had it all planned out, trust me.”

“He was going to take an extremely unnecessary long nap and then show up late,” Seungmin pointed out, his eyes still trained on his phone screen. “It happens every single time. Remember last week? That gig you promised you were going to be early to? Yeah, you were late.” 

“Not true.”

“Totally true.”

Jisung rolled his eyes, coming to look at himself at the mirror arranged on the wall. “Whatever, Seungmin. I was running on three hours of sleep. Changbin came even later than I did. You can’t blame me.” 

Sitting up from the floor, Seungmin groaned in disbelief. “I promised Chan you’d be there early. There's going to be so much more to do today and it’s already noon.”

Every semester, the university they all attended held this special event to welcome all the new students and help promote clubs. There was music, food, and this year they were going to have festival games. It was probably Chan’s idea as he was one of the organizers in charge of the entire event. He had even helped set up Minho and Felix’s dance team and Jisung and some of the others to perform throughout the festival. 

“He’s right. Chan promoted the hell out of it, posting it on his twitter,” Felix nodded, “and his youtube, instagram… everywhere basically.”

“I’ll be surprised if his entire fan base doesn’t show up,” Seungmin added. 

Besides the attention he had from his track record at his campus, Chan was getting a lot of attention online recently. Their videos as a group had started to get more views, more fans, and more recognition. Besides Minho, Changbin, and Seungmin, who did not have their own streaming platforms, the rest of the boys were becoming well-known. It was a fact that had become very, very apparent as of recent in Jisung’s opinion. 

As Felix continued to style his hair and talk to Seungmin behind him, Jisung took out his phone with a hum. 

On his screen showed a message. The fates must have been messing with him. It couldn’t be. Was the timing perfect or such a mess? Jisung wasn’t sure. 

from: hyunjin  
sung, you gonna be there tonight?  
im so excited ! owo 

from: jisung  
yeah !!  
sorta kinda nervous since i’m performing  
what songs you guys dancing to?  
lix doesn’t wanna tell me at all :p

“Sung,” Felix nudged him. “Do you think you’ll have time to see us dance? I know you and Seungmin will need to book it back, but I really don’t want you to miss it.” 

Ever since Jisung had met Felix their first year, they were both inseparable, marked as the “twins” of the friend group. And as Felix’s self-remarked best friend, Jisung understood how important dance was to him. The feeling of being up on a stage was a sentiment Jisung related to. Having your own friends in the audience to cheer and support you was a feeling Jisung wanted to give to him, not take away. 

There was no one else Jisung wanted to see perform at the festival more than the dance team. Of course, it was a dance team that had a very specific Hyunjin involved. Hyunjin, who Jisung had adamantly tried to ignore for months, certainly will adamantly try to meet up. 

So, with the text displayed on his screen to blame, Jisung hesitated. There were many instances in the past where he had the chance to meet Hyunjin. They lived at the same school after all. But every time, Jisung managed to save himself from it, and managed to come up with an elaborate excuse. This time, it wouldn’t be easy. 

This time, it had been weeks of their own friends struggling and failing to set up a meet-up. This time, it might actually work: the festival, the promise to see each other perform, the compact space where all eight of them could hang out. It was perfect. 

But, seeing Hyunjin on a screen or from a distance was one thing, meeting him face to face was another. Jisung was sure he would need a respirator before he could even utter a word to him. 

Jisung felt his head get smacked by a pillow and let out a shriek. 

“Idiot,” Seungmin called from beside Felix, now lounging on the bed. “Felix is talking to you.” 

“Yeah,” Felix came from behind to sit beside him and mocked playfully. “I’m talking to you. Don’t tell me you’re not going because I will let Chan know and he won’t be too happy.” 

Jisung couldn’t bring himself to tell them of his hesitance, what it truly meant. The warmth and fluttering he felt whenever he even thought of Hyunjin’s name were feelings Jisung had never uttered out loud, except to his empty room. They probably wouldn’t take it as seriously as he felt it was. Jisung sighed, quickly turning away from them. He considered blurting it out, letting someone, anyone, know what he has kept inside. Kept harvesting for months until now, it’s become so close to bursting. 

As if he could sense his dilemma, Felix placed his hand on his shoulder, nudging Jisung to face him.  
Moving his head to Jisung’s, he searched Jisung’s face in concern, his thumb already beginning to rub circles in his shoulder. Felix hesitated for a moment, searching for the right words. “What’s wrong, Sungie?” 

The mood had turned sour and he could already see Seungmin turn to them through the mirror, sensing the apprehension. Seungmin didn’t move immediately, instead slowly coming to his other side, hand resting on Jisung’s back. 

“You feel sick?” Seungmin looked uneasy, as if the sudden anxiety in Jisung’s head had been worrisome enough to carry the room. 

The sudden urge to blurt out all the words he wanted to say returned, but Jisung washed it out. It didn’t seem like the right time, the right place. Who was he kidding? Hyunjin was a friend, just like everyone else. To think a small joke online could change that, change Hyunjin, was ridiculous. 

Even then, one of the most important days of the year was today. Jisung didn’t want to screw it up. 

It was always easy to forget, to sacrifice, to put himself aside. Everyone wanted this to happen. Jisung had convinced himself he was overreacting, as he always has and always will. So at that moment, Jisung decided he would meet Hyunjin. He knew it was the right thing to do, the right step. 

He sighed and forced a smile. “No, I told you. Just tired,” and Felix squinted in suspicion. 

“Sung…” Felix trailed off as if he knew him better than Jisung knew of himself. Jisung was certain he does. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Jisung chuckled, turning to look at both of their disbelieving glares. “Come on. Let’s get ready and go. We got some performances to take care of.” 

Later, sitting in the back of Felix’s car, who was disregarding any traffic law known to man, Jisung received another text from Hyunjin. 

Taking a deep breath, Jisung unlocked his phone. 

from: hyunjin  
it’ll be a surprise!!  
you’ll just have to come and find out  
right? hehehhe 0.0

Groaning, Jisung considered throwing himself into traffic, hand already grasping the door handle. However, with Seungmin screaming in the passenger seat, Jisung knew he would be more capable of ending all his problems with Felix at the wheel.


	2. why is my name red?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place a few months before the last chapter. so it’s basically the end of freshman year. 
> 
> warning: a little angst because what can you do?? everyone goes through some tough times. also i thought it was important to note how hyunjin came into his life and what made him so ~special~. lol. 
> 
> hope you enjoy!! please leave some comments! i would really appreciate it :)

“I’m going to be honest. He looks like he would bully me for wearing my favorite denim shorts, calling them utter garbage, and then proceeding to wear the exact same pair and size the next day, making me feel like a total loser,” he huffed, still staring at the instagram page that was being shown to him. 

The atmosphere had gotten quiet, his sudden outburst probably disturbing the peace in the cafe. 

“It’s his first year here and he already thinks he's above all of us. I feel like he would be the nicest person to my face but would talk absolute crap about me in the same sentence. His smile looks pretty fake to me, I bet those teeth are fake, too. I don’t know, he just gives off that vibe.” 

“Jisung-hyung, that was oddly specific,” Jeongin remarked, taking a sip from his coffee. Jisung looked up from the screen, startled to see both Minho and Jeongin staring at him in interest from across the table. “You’ve met him before or...?” 

“No…” Jisung said bashfully, attempting to ignore the pointed gazes directed his way. He awkwardly cleared his throat. “I said he just gives off that vibe. I’ve even heard he rejects girls so harshly that he makes them cry. Why should that douchebag even be that popular?”

Displayed on his phone screen were dozens of pictures of the unanimously claimed “it boy” of their campus: Hwang Hyunjin. The boys across from him didn't seem too convinced, humming.

“I mean, I’ve been mentoring him for a few months. He’s been pretty chill so far,” Minho shrugged before smirking. “What would you know anyway? All you’ve seen of him is videos his fans post on the internet. You haven’t even spoken to him.” 

“Yeah, hyung,” Jeongin chuckled. “Don’t be jealous.” 

Jisung choked. “I’m not-not jealous. Why would I be jealous?”

“Your little rant seemed a little too passionate there. I just sent you his account because we are planning to invite him to play with us sometime and you began to let out all that anger,” Minho began to laugh. He rested back into his chair. “I mean he does have hundreds of girls following him around all the time.”

Jeongin jumped in. “And the only girl you have following you around is Lia and she has a girlfriend so she doesn’t even count.”

“Chan already invited him to the discord,” Minho commented with a tune. “So play nice.” 

“I’m not a kid. I can be nice,” Jisung mocked. 

“You act like you’re twelve sometimes. You look like it, too,” Jeongin rushed out, choking in laughter at his own joke. Jisung didn’t find it too funny. 

“Making fun of my height? At least I’m not still in high school. You’re the actual kid here,” He reached over the ruffle the younger’s hair. Jeongin pushed his arm away, grimacing. 

Jeongin set his cup down, looking Jisung up and down mockingly. “Your first year out of hell and now you think you’re a whole adult. Don’t forget that in a few months I’ll be graduating and we will be at the same level.”

Unable to come up with a better comeback, Jisung stuck his tongue out and reverted his attention back to his drink. Minho rolled his eyes. 

“Jeongin, I heard there’s some drama at your school,” Minho wiggled his eyebrows, already moving on. “Tell me everything.” 

Looking back down at his dimly lit screen, Jisung wondered what everyone saw in this guy. The “It boy”. That’s what they called him. He was handsome and mysterious. Shy to some people and ruthless to others. People found that attractive and Jisung wondered why. 

He’d seen Hyunjin from afar, seen him oozing with confidence in his every step. Hyunjin walked and talked like he owned the place, and he probably did.

Maybe people hoped to get a glimpse of who Hyunjin really was, past the cameras and the fans, as if it were a whole mystery. Jisung wondered maybe that’s why people at his school or from the internet worshipped the ground he walked on. 

It made Jisung uneasy. Was he jealous? Is that why he felt such disdain towards him? 

As he stared at a selfie of Hyunjin, who wore one of the most hideous pink sweaters Jisung had ever seen, he had to admit what he felt wasn’t jealousy. He didn’t want to be Hyunjin. He didn’t want to have girls follow him around everywhere like that, Jisung would rather die. He didn’t...hate him? In fact, Jisung couldn't deny that he looked quite good, probably the one person that could pull off that pink monstrosity of a sweater. 

That was odd. Now, he thought he was pretty?

Jisung set his head on the table defeatedly, ignored by the pair across from him who were too immersed in their conversation to care. Why was everything so confusing? 

“Hyung, I’m so glad you kidnapped me from school,” Jeongin said playfully, interrupting Jisung’s train of thought. “I can't even turn a corner without seeing some fifteen year olds battling it out.” 

“College isn't much different,” Minho remarked offhandedly. “I can't even step in the triplets’ dorm without being attacked.” 

“Oh shut up,” Jisung defended, thinking of all the times he had jumped Minho to give him a back hug and almost didn’t survive. “We just want to show you our love and affection.” Minho gagged. 

At that moment, Jisung decided not to question his identity crisis in this cafe. He invited Minho and Jeongin because he missed them. He was supposed to be catching up with some of his favorite people in the world, not doubting everything he thought he knew about himself.

Muting all his wandering thoughts, Jisung reached over the table, quickly snatching Jeongin’s drink. 

“Give it back, idiot,” Jeongin protested and Jisung laughed in amusement. As they fought over the drink, Jisung decided he would worry about himself later. For now, he needed to focus on dodging Jeongin’s punches. 

—

Jisung was going to kill Minho. Both literally and metaphorically. 

“Come out, Minho-hyung,” Jisung whispered. “I am so going to enjoy mutilating you, you sneaky traitor.” 

Leaning close to his screen in anticipation, Jisung’s pink avatar moved through the cafeteria, rushing to look on the left side of the map for a sign of his hyung. 

‘I hear you don’t like me so much.’ 

He groaned in frustration. Why did Minho have to be such a blabbermouth?

All Jisung wanted to do was fake his task in navigation when Hyunjin’s blue avatar had stumbled in, muttering a small “hello.” 

Initially, Jisung didn’t know what to reply. In the few weeks that he and his friends had played with him, Hyunjin had never approached Jisung so directly. 

In shock, Jisung settled for the same greeting. “Oh hi…” 

“Minho-hyung was talking to me about you,” Hyunjin inquired, coming next to Jisung near the panel. “I hear you don’t like me so much.”

It was then that Jisung’s entire body went cold in both embarrassment and annoyance. Those quiet words were spoken almost smugly, almost disappointed. 

“Oh...d-did he?” Fuck. Jisung had forgotten about his frantic rant he had belted weeks ago. How much had Minho told him? Jisung wondered if Hyunjin knew what he said about his teeth. That wouldn’t be good. 

“In more words, ye-“

In a frenzy, Jisung clicked his mouse to do anything, literally anything, to get himself out of this situation. Confrontation was his worst fear and he was not going to live through it now. 

His screen lit up red, retracting to show Hyunjin’s poor corpse at Jisung’s feet. “Oh god…” Jisung couldn’t believe he had done that, he killed poor Hyunjin while he was in the middle of trying to battle it out with Jisung. 

He needed to leave. Now. 

Jisung fled quickly, running with a new purpose: to kill Minho. 

He found him hiding near the reactor and Jisung took his chances. “Hyung…” Jisung trailed off, slowly coming to approach him in the corner. “What are you doing?”

As if he knew what Jisung was up to, Minho moved away from him. “Stay away from me, imposter. If you don’t leave now, I’m gonna call a meeting and vote you out.” 

“Really? You gonna tell everyone? Just like how you told Hyunjin about a very private conversation we had a few weeks ago? Hmmm? Sound familiar?” To add an effect, Jisung began to laugh almost maniacally. “Where are you gonna run to, hyung? Go ahead and make a break for it. Everyone is chilling on the right side so no one will hear you scream.” 

There was a moment of silence before Minho let out a small snicker. Then it became a giggle, a chuckle, until he was mostly likely blowing his lungs out from laughing so heartedly. “Oh my god, he told you?!” 

Jisung didn’t spare one more second before stabbing his hyung to death and slithering through the vent, just in time for Hyunjin’s body to be reported. 

—

For weeks, Jisung never spoke more than a few words at a time to Hyunjin. He never felt the need to do more than that. They weren’t friends. Hyunjin was Felix and Minho’s friend. As much as his friends had tried to make the pair meet or have a civil conversation that didn't end up with Jisung and Hyunjin bickering over nothing, Jisung had always resisted. Especially lately.

So when Hyunjin texted him at three in the morning, with Jisung a season deep in this new drama he found and his hands deep into a chip bag, Jisung needed to do a double take. There was no way. He rubbed his eyes, hoping it was only a trick of the eye. 

“Huh?”

from: unknown  
hey! it’s hyunjin  
hope you don’t mind that i got your number  
from chan hah

Jisung sat up in his bed, removing the covers from his head, and pushed his laptop to the side to reread the message once more. 

“Bang Chan…..” Jisung grimaced, smacking his forehead. “Why?” 

The thing was that it was such a Chan-like thing to do. He knew Jisung wouldn’t play nice and reach out first, so like a father who did not like seeing his children avoid each other, he did something about it. His friends really loved to mess with him these days. 

In fear of causing even more frustration with Chan, Jisung had to play along. He had to do something. Maybe he could just not...answer? 

He scratched his head. No, that definitely wasn't an option. Chan, especially, had been hovering over Jisung these past few weeks, always asking him if he ate, if he slept well, if he finished his assignments. It would have been odd if Jisung hadn't actually been tipping off the edge. As much as he knew how concerning it was, Jisung never appreciated having his friends in his space. Maybe he could answer Hyunjin, but he won’t give Chan what he wants. 

“Okay, you can do this,” he told himself, patting his chest in an attempt to soothe his racing heart. He was never good with new people. He looked at the bright screen once more, hovering his fingers over the keyboard. “Maybe just…be nice? Okay. Be curt and to the point.” 

from: jisung  
hey

Was it too simple? Jisung hurried to send a follow up. 

from: jisung  
good to know. i’ll add ur contact 

“There. Done.” Already wishing to be back into the warmth of his covers, he turned to his laptop, text all forgotten. Until his phone dinged and Jisung groaned. Hyunjin wanted to have an actual conversation with him. At this hour? He must be insane. 

from: hyunjin  
uhhh okay !! lol  
what r u doing up  
isn’t too late? heard u have an exam tomorrow

He knew he had an exam when even Jisung didn't. Impressive. Kind of creepy. But still quite impressive. 

Jisung debated whether to answer back or not. Figuring it wouldn't hurt, since the drama was getting a little boring, he typed a response. 

from: jisung  
binging a drama.  
you stalking me or smth? 

from: hyunjin  
no no!! heard from felix  
he told me you guys have two classes together so…  
i just figured haha :)) 

from: jisung  
yeah. just wanted to stay up a bit more  
so now i’m watching this cringe drama  
luckily i’m too tired to understand the plot anyway

from: hyunjin  
makes sense lol  
you must be really tired then? hah.  
how long has it been since u last slept? o.0

from: jisung  
ummmm yesterday  
why….

from: hyunjin  
i mean felix told me a little about ur worrying sleeping habits  
dw, i’m the same way 

Jisung’s jaw dropped in disbelief. Is that why Hyunjin had texted him? Did his friends really send Hyunjin, out of all people, on a recovery mission? Tempted to snap all the obscurities he could come up with, Jisung took a deep breath and decided it would be best not to lash out on someone Chan, specifically, had sent. Maybe he could nicely dismiss the topic? 

from: jisung  
omg does felix tell u everything? hahah.  
so anyways how is that weather lately? really hot, huh?

“Ughhhh,” Jisung slammed his face onto his pillow. “Totally smooth. Now I look completely guilty. There’s no backing out. He is gonna send in Chan and-”

from: hyunjin  
hahah i mean he did label it as “spilling beans bc jisung doesn’t understand how worried we are about him”  
i tried not to be nosy but he kinda laid it all on the table

So all his friends conspired this? Jisung considered marching down the hall of their apartment into Felix’s room and maybe teach him a thing or two about respecting other people’s privacy. But, somehow, Jisung understood. 

Jisung definitely had been odd lately, more than usual of course. It was just that time of the year where the numbers on the calendar began to blur, his food began to taste bland, and his days began to dim. No fake smiling nor forced laughter could fix it. But...it wasn't Jisung’s first time going through this, it was his life. He had survived through these times on his own, and he will continue to push through them on his own. 

from: jisung  
oh that again?? yeah don’t worry about it  
felix just gets a little upset and claims im losing it when i don’t wash the dishes for a few days :p

from: hyunjin  
look  
i know we don’t know each other but  
i’m worried about you too. 

Jisung scoffed at his phone. “Really? You? You’re worried? Who are you to-to…” With a grunt, he flopped back onto the mattress, screwing his eyes shut. “Nosy little…”

After a few forehead rubs and a couple doritos, Jisung turned his phone back on. 

from: jisung  
hyunjin…  
don’t tell me chan sent you for this.  
go and tell him that i’m completely fine!  
it’s nothing to worry about. 

from: hyunjin  
it might be true that chan sent me ur number  
but i was the one who asked for it  
we may not talk but i know how concerned they have been over you lately 

As Jisung read over the message, his jaw dropped once more. Then, he rolled his eyes. “Aw, Mr. It-Boy wants some brownie points? Yeah, I am not gonna fall for that.” 

from: jisung  
exactly. we don’t talk.  
we aren’t friends. so leave me alone  
i don’t need someone else breathing down my neck right now 

from: hyunjin  
you’re right  
i don’t know you. i don’t know who you are.  
and that’s exactly why i’m here  
if you won’t talk to your friends, then talk to me.  
talk to me about it. 

from: jisung  
hyunjin...please  
i don’t need this right now  
i can deal with it like i have always done 

from: hyunjin  
you’re friends are worried, why don’t u understand?  
especially in this city...we all get lonely  
it gets suffocating sometimes  
and even i can tell you’re struggling to get some breathing room 

from: jisung  
what do u want me to say? there’s nothing to tell. 

from: hyunjin  
please…  
you can’t keep it all inside yk??  
bottling it all up to punish yourself won’t do u any good

Jisung’s chest tightened, threatening to explode. “Maybe I have been a li-little stressed lately. But so many people… they are watching me… My parents are…There is no-nothing wrong with being a little camera shy. That’s all…”

He hated it. He hated being told what to do as if he didn't know about himself, as if he couldn't take care of himself. Now a guy he had clearly shown dislike towards was texting him as if he could fix all of Jisung’s problems, fix who...he was. So once again, he directed these emotions, hot and steaming, onto his phone keyboard. 

from: jisung  
don’t push yourself into other people’s business  
my friends shouldn’t have said anything either  
i’m fine. completely fine. go ahead and tell chan  
tell felix  
i don’t want your help. i don’t want to talk to you other than in game.  
now if you’ll excuse me… i’ll go back to my drama

Hurriedly exiting out of his messages, his fingers hovered over the power button just as his phone began to ring. 

Ready to throw his phone out of his window, Jisung still clenched the phone in his hand as he looked at the caller id. 

It was Hyunjin. 

“This kid just won’t quit,” he slammed his phone on the nightstand, disregarding the loud commotion he was making. “I just won’t answer.” 

His cheeks warm and his eyebrows drawn, Jisung threw his covers off his body, ignoring the chilly air as he hopped off the mattress. The moonlight provided enough light for him to see as Jisung scurried to find his shoes among the mess on his floor. He couldn’t handle one more second in his stuffy room. 

Maybe Hyunjin was right about one thing. He couldn’t breathe in here. 

With his shoes on and a small blanket wrapped around his shoulders, Jisung opened the door to the small balcony connected to his room. Though it wasn’t much, the small space with its fresh air and a look out to the streets below often served as a safe haven to him. It was also often the last resort, the last choice. 

Whenever Jisung was sick of pretending everything was fine, pretending that he wasn’t constantly on the verge of breaking, he would come out to this tiny taste of freedom. 

“W-what does Hyunjin know? I...I don’t need him to play hero. I don’t need him to save...save me.” Jisung folded into the blanket, his eyes beginning to sting. 

His phone had stopped ringing a while ago. Jisung hoped Hyunjin would drop it and leave him alone. If Chan were to find out about this… Jisung winced. 

Interrupting the bubble he had merged himself in, Jisung’s phone began to ring again. For a split second, Jisung feared it was perhaps Chan. He could only imagine how furious he would be. Chan would probably storm all the way to Jisung’s apartment, ready to scold and coddle him into spilling every single thought swirling in his mind. Every thought…Jisung would be talking for days, or weeks. There was just no point to talking when it would be the same situation next week. It was a never ending cycle and talking will never fix that. 

The phone kept ringing into the night. Jisung rushed back inside, reaching for his phone. He didn’t need Seungmin or Felix waking up and then asking him what was going on. He didn’t need yet another confrontation. 

Hurrying to silence the noise, Jisung answered the call. “I told you to leave me alone, so stop calling-“ 

“Jisung.” 

Jisung froze, the hand holding his blanket dropping to his side. 

“W-what…”

Hyunjin had said his name. Before, he had always referred to him as his screen name and Jisung never intended for that to change. One of the other boys must have told him, it must have slipped or perhaps Hyunjin had asked. 

However he got his name, Hyunjin had the guts to say it, already crossing a boundary Jisung definitely did not want him to. But, it got Jisung to shut up and maybe that was Hyunjin’s intention. 

“Look outside. Hurry…” His voice was almost a whisper, Jisung straining to hear it as he stared at the cold floor of his room. “You don't wanna miss it.”

“W-Why?” Jisung turned towards his balcony, already inching to it. 

“Are...are you there yet?” 

“Yeah and I'm freezing my ass off, Hyunjin,” Jisung snapped, even as his attitude lacked its normal intensity. “I don’t have time for this. First, you text me all that crap and now you want me to-“ 

“Do you see it, too? The stars?”

Scoffing, Jisung looked up at the night sky as he clutched his shirt. “Yeah, like I always do. They are there. I don't know what you're trying to do, but-”

“There! The star! Tell me you see it too,” Hyunjin exclaimed from the other side, clearly excited. As much as Jisung wanted to be annoyed at him, he instead blinked in awe. 

Dimmed and faint silver stars, like the embers of a dying fire, blinked down at him, illuminating the glittering curtain of sky. And there, right above, was a stream of light. It dashed across the sky, almost too quick to notice if it weren't for the dozen other streaks that followed. “A shooting star…” 

“You know what I love about stars, Jisung?” Hyunjin questioned knowingly, as if he could imagine the star stuck look on Jisung’s face. “They're… They are like a reminder to me that we aren't the only ones in this world. They remind me that there will always be someone on the other side of the world looking at the same stars, same constellations...” 

Jisung gulped, struggling to respond. “Isn't that lonely?”

Hyunjin chuckled almost sadly. “Lonely? Maybe. But I think...I think it gives me hope that in this big wide world, one day, one of those people would look up at the stars and...think of me. They would think about how important it was to know each other, to meet each other. Life is full of surprises. As much as there is happiness, there is also the darkness. For some, they aren't so lucky, but that's okay because there will always be one person in your life ready to help, to be there for you.”

Jisung bit his lip in thought, his heavy eyes gaping at the night sky. 

He considered how his life would be without his friends, the reasons he was still here. He considered where he would be now if he hadn't bumped into Chan at the store back home, if he hadn’t talked to Jeongin who was a small, shy freshman back in high school, if he hadn't decided to live on campus to meet both Seungmin and Felix, if he hadn't followed Chan to his studio to meet Changbin for the first time, if he hadn't gone to Felix’s performance to only end up fanboying over Minho. They had been there for him when his parents weren't. They had invited Jisung to meet their families while his were away, too focused on their careers to even bother. And all this time, they were worried about him, checking on him, all while Jisung was wallowing in his room, allowing everything to build up. 

“I’m…” Jisung choked. 

“You know, Jisung?” Hyunjin whispered, almost hesitant. “I could be that special person for you.” He paused, seeming surprised at himself before he continued. “It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think crying makes people stronger.” 

“Hyunjin… I don’t need to cry. I don’t need y-your help.” 

There was a soft grunt on the other side. Jisung figured Hyunjin was getting frustrated with his reluctance. 

“You don’t have to lie. You said it yourself: I was never your friend. Never will be. But...if you're scared to open up to those who really do care about you, what harm would it cause to let me be here? I just want you to know that you always have someone to talk to.” Hyunjin soothed. 

Jisung hung his head low, his breathing starting to become erratic. “T-talking won’t make the pain go away, Hyunjin. You-you don’t understand-“

“I understand. Trust me. I do. You aren’t the only one in the world who has...who has been through stuff,” Hyunjin blurted. “I’m sorry I can’t be the one to take all your problems away. But I can’t let your friends worry over you when I know that...maybe I can lend an ear and listen…”

There was a second where Jisung considered hanging up, ending the call before he could stumble and let out the tears that were certainly building up since he moved out to college. 

As much as Jisung didn't want to admit, he knew Hyunjin had a point. His life, his friends, and the things he loved doing were finally starting to look good. They felt good. But nothing good can shine through when Jisung’s head clouded it all. One tip off the balance and all his worries would be on the table, free for the taking. And it would be to Hyunjin, of all people. 

“Jisung?” Hyunjin worried. Jisung realized he must've been stuck in his thoughts for too long, debating. 

It was all or nothing and Jisung was fed up. 

With one last look at the glistening stars reflecting through his eyes, Jisung turned away back to his room and closed his eyes in defeat.

Then, he talked. 

Thoughts that were weighing his shoulders down, expectations endlessly hanging in in the back of his mind...He said them aloud for the first time in years. Perhaps Jisung had gotten a little excited, his words stumbling, almost incoherent until he took a few seconds to slow down. But then the water from his eyes kept streaming down his warm cheeks. 

“I can’t- I can’t stop crying.. I- I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry for anything. Just breathe…”

Jisung felt guilty, feeling more comfortable talking to someone he barely knew more than his own friends, his lifelines. Yet, he didn’t...regret it. 

“Maybe…” Jisung grunted in frustration as he wiped his face. “Maybe you aren’t so bad.” 

Hyunjin chuckled, amused. “So, is the position to be your friend still available then?”

‘Yeah…’ Jisung thought, a newfound trust for Hyunjin already beginning to bloom.


End file.
